It was a year ago today.
After too little sleep due to a rare and lengthy late night phone call, I’d poured my coffee on the counter rather than in a mug that morning.
I’d gone to work and taught my littles in a bewildered haze over the conversation I’d had with a new friend the night before.
My thoughts were frantically searching for order at the edges of my brain.
The weight of change hung in the air, palpable yet mysterious.
There was a drive to begin processing the innermost chambers of myself that had been buried deep.
I was sitting in a hard wooden chair in a quiet library.
In South Carolina.
My fingers pounded angrily at my keyboard.
Earbuds muffled the sound of my audible sighs.
The error message flashed before my eyes again and again:
Username and password do not match.
I’d tried every possible combination, but couldn’t remember the right password.
The email I’d used to create the account was no longer accessible and customer support was no help.
Reviving the old blog was not happening.
Two years of absenteeism from writing meant I couldn’t find my way back to my blog. I could read what was there, but editing and adding to it was out of the question.
But the burning desire to write was back. I needed an outlet.
So I started over.
On the first day of a new Season.
Little did I know how vast a season of change I was headed into that day as I wrote:
A new season.
Isn’t it interesting when the changing of a season actually coincides with new seasons of our lives?
(And the creation of a new blog because you’re locked out of your previous one. Grr.)
I’m finding myself there today…
anticipating the growth of new friendships
as the leaves go dormant for winter;
celebrating the domino effect of God-breathed events over close-held prayer
as the leaves begin to blaze radiant and descend their lofty perches.
The air is crisp,
with more than a hint of expectancy drifting along for the ride.
And, for a change, I’m attempting to drift with it,
without the usual anxiety, excuses, foreboding, etc.
that comes when newness is on the horizon.
Today, I’m sitting in a comfy recliner in a living room.
With last year’s “new friend” on the couch beside me.
The sound of planes flying overhead reminds me of my first-time flight back in April.
These days, the error message I’m fighting most persistently is the one that says this can’t possibly be my actual life. That at any moment I could wake up and discover this entire year has been a dream. (On some fronts, that would be a relief.)
My fingers roam the keyboard now because the words in my brain need out. They beg to be uncaged and given a voice.
Today, it’s the third…
(Geez. I have to stop and tell you that in itself is actually relevant. Three is the prophetic number of confirmation. And today was a day that held a bit of significant confirmation for me. As I typed the word “third” I laughed aloud when I realized it, because OF COURSE. One day, I might manage to form a coherent explanation of the ways that number has followed me around this year.)
It’s the third day of Autumn.
And I’m neck deep in the season of change that has been developing these last twelve months. I feels like I’ve covered more ground in the last year than I have in my entire life—spiritually, mentally, physically, relationally, emotionally, and geographically.
And I don’t expect it to taper off anytime soon.
Amazingly, I’m far more at peace with that expectation than I would have ever dreamed.