Fighting for Surrender

After three weeks of writing nearly every morning and evening, I haven’t written in three days.

I don’t feel like writing this morning.

But I need to.

Because the enemy is attacking me hard.

And it’s no coincidence that this attack comes on the heels of my making some major commitments to things far beyond my comfort zone.

Jesus is calling me out to expand my perspective, my borders, my vision.

And I’m actively pursuing those things.

And Satan can’t stand it. He’s counter-punching my faith and trust and hope with fear, anxiety, and uncertainty—in the place where it gets to me the most: car trouble. I don’t know why, but that is an area that sends me straight into panic mode.

As much as it scares me to make such declarations, I am determined that these setbacks will not send me back into a state of mental, emotional, and spiritual shut-down. I am fighting to keep my heart and mind surrendered to the One who calls me “beloved.” (Fighting for surrender—that’s such an oxymoron—but it’s so true right now.)

I will not bury my head in the sand again.

Jesus has plans for me that I can only see a glimpse of from where I stand, things I would have never imagined even a few months ago.

So, for the moment, I’m taking deep breaths, praising His name, and trusting that He’s already got this situation taken care of.

And I’m also breathing a prayer of gratitude for my #the4500 sisters who were ready at the call to give encouragement and truth-filled words last night when I was mired deep in the cycle of “what if….” and also my dear friend and co-teacher, Christine, who also poured the truth over me last night. It’s so good to have a tribe who shows up to lift us up when we are weary and worn.